


A Little Part

by wataway



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Rough Sex, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-19 05:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29745399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wataway/pseuds/wataway
Summary: Betty and Archie aren’t the greatest at communicating their feelings towards each other. They don’t talk about the times they kissed (or why it happened) and they definitely don’t address the undeniable attraction they feel towards one another. Instead they find themselves drawn to one another and tiptoeing the line between friendship and more for years to come.(Inspired by the novel Normal People By Sally Rooney, TW this novel will deal with heavy topics surrounding PTSD, depression and anxiety)(I promise this has more of a happy ending than Normal People)
Relationships: Archie Andrews & Betty Cooper, Archie Andrews/Betty Cooper
Comments: 11
Kudos: 62





	1. TWO WEEKS BEFORE GRADUATION (2020)

**BETTY** wonders how their relationship/ friendship got like this. So awkward. Filled with lengthy pauses, eyes darting around the room to fill the void between them.

She's increasingly aware of his eyes on her, she feels hot, sweaty and sick. Betty wants to leave but her body remains fixed in place, she can't move. The weight of everything twisting itself around her throat, threatening to choke her alive.

Jughead is sat next to her, his arms around her waist. It's meant to feel comforting, she knows that. She tells herself that, but she doesn't feel comfort. Instead she feels guilt. She's not sure why, she chose Jughead. She made that clear that night at the bunker as Archie looked at her with hopeful eyes, eyes that held what she thought looked like love.

She wants to scream at him. She was doing fine with the idea that Jughead was who she was meant to be with. She got over Archie sometime in the middle of her relationship with Jughead. It was after they had sex one time and Jughead had mentioned Archie offhandedly, saying that they probably should hang out more, did Archie say it or Jughead she's not sure but Jughead is relaying the story so she listens.

" _Oh, well. I thought you guys hung out a bit."_ She says, her face is on his chest. " _Well we do but I think he just wants a male to hang out with. We do spend a lot of time with our girlfriends."_

Betty felt like she knew what he meant then. It was true. They did hang out with their significant others a lot. Betty felt like she saw Veronica a lot less too.

_"I should probably ask Ronnie if she wants to do the same."_

_"Good idea."_

Archie is still staring. Isn't even trying to hide it. She meets his eyes daringly. He looks away, glances at Veronica and smiles shrewdly. Veronica smiles back, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

They don't seem so couple like, Betty realises. Since after prom, Archie and Veronica have had this weird aura surrounding them. As if the seemingly strong relationship is cracking at the seams and is barely being held together. She wonders if the idea of long distance is what's causing it.

Jughead and herself are yet to have that conversation. She doesn't want to think about it. She knows they'll be fine. It's a no brainer really, because Betty chose Jughead and she will continue choosing him even if the distance is a million miles. The rational part of her knows it's not that simple, and that long distance comes with a variety of problems that need to be addressed and worked through. But Jughead and Betty are good at that, they can talk about their feelings and the future between them, it's not how she pictured it with Archie all those years ago when she was lovesick over him. The future with Jughead is nice, it's easy, it's safe.

She wants to cringe, she told Archie that they felt safe with each other. _No_. With Jughead it isn't just safe, it's right. He's never rejected her, not like Archie. Jughead and herself share a mutual relationship it's not based on an idealised view of one another. Jughead knows the parts of her she wishes to conceal and she knows parts of him he wouldn't want others to know.

His fingers find their way under the hem of her blouse, they're a lot more softer compared to Archies fingers. Archies fingers are more calloused, a by-product of boxing. Jughead is softly drawing circles on her hip, she instinctively leans closer. A hot feeling shoots down her back pooling to her pelvic bone, she wants to whine but bites her tongue. Jughead is still drawing circles, she feels sick.

They all have a free period, before their last lesson. So they're sat together. As friends. Which feels so far from the truth right now. Because they're not really friends. Veronica and Betty have barely spent any time together and any time they do spend together feels oddly strained, like there's some large elephant in the room. Which given everything that has happened isn't far from the truth. But it's worse, it's like Veronica has this unspoken thing she wants to say but is holding it back and Betty wants to scream at her. Tell her that she should just open that pretty mouth of hers and speak, but she swallows that feeling down, and smiles and laughs and pretends that their friendship is strong and nothing can break it.

Her last lesson of the day seems to be never ending, she's barely paying attention. Instead she stares at the back of Archies head. He's got a pretty head she's thinks. His hair always looks soft, like if she ran her fingers through it the feeling could bring her to orgasm it self. She wants to do it, finger his air, feel the way it moves through her fingers, feel the way his lips move against hers in slow motion, languid and soft.

 _Stop_.

She halts her thoughts, she can't be doing this. Can't be _fucking_ having these thoughts about Archie Andrews, her best friend, her boyfriends best friend, and her best friends boyfriend. They're linked too much, there's too much that means they can't ever go there. Rejection aside, there's too many interlinking relationships that hold Archie Andrews and Betty Cooper together.

 _"You're always going to be my best friend Betty."_ He'd tell her that all the time, and she'd always believe it. No matter what, they will always be best friends, it was a fact but as the years have gone on there has been this extra part to that best friend title. They both feel it, it probably explains why the keep _fucking_ kissing when things are going wrong. They never talk about it, Betty reckons Archie doesn't want to anyway. He would never see her like that, sure kissing her is one thing, but seeing her as relationship worthy is another. He definitely would never see her as relationship worthy. She is something Archie would have sex with, would _fuck_ to forget about his problems.

She'd let him. She'd let Archie fuck her, she realises with heated embarrassment. Her face heats up, she stares down at her desk, the words she's written blurring together.

 _Stop_.

-•-

Betty walks towards the front steps of Riverdale High, Jughead is to her left. He's on his phone texting away, he wears a scowl.

"I gotta head off home, I think I might have a lead on those tapes." He says. Betty nods, "Do you want me to come."

"Not yet, let see if it pans out. I have a feeling it won't, but if it does, I'll call you straight away." He holds her gaze, and Betty nods. "No, good idea." He smiles at that and kisses her quickly before retreating down the steps.

She hikes her backup higher, and before she realises Archie is stood next to her, too close for her liking.

"You want to walk home?" He doesn't face her when speaking. He faces forward, watching the flocks of students walking, reaching their cars, laughing amongst themselves.

Against her better judgment, she agrees. "Sure."

They start walking, it's not awkward. It's silent. They're not used to that. Walks home were full with chatter, conversations about their day, what lessons they hated that day. Now it's as if there's nothing to say. There's a lot to say, Betty knows that. She wonders if Archie will try to finish what he started, in the bunker.

"Ronnie knows."

They're on their street now, their houses a stones throw away. She halts, hands gripping her backpack. She faces him, and he's looking at her sheepishly, he's rubbing his neck, he's stressed she can see it, can feel it, rolling off his body.

"What."

"Yeah, after she sang that song, I told her at prom and well, she knows." He explains.

"Archie."

"Look, she said she wasn't going to say anything. Hell we are even pretending to be together for you and Jughead." He continues, "she didn't want to break you guys up, wanted to give you the opportunity to tell him. If you want." He adds.

What is that supposed to mean she thinks. _If you want_.

"Are you going to tell Jughead?"

"I don't see how it's any of your business Archie." She replies, she's all defensive, Archie can see it in the way her eyebrows furrow, her stance becomes more rigid.

"I'm only asking Betty." He holds his hands up in mock surrender, "I just thought you should know. I feel like you, I don't know can tell, there's something up with Ronnie and Me."

"Yeah, sort of. I don't know. I didn't want to assume." Betty feels sick, she feels like her face is going green with all this information.

He's staring at her intensely, as if trying to commit her to memory. He looks at her lips and Betty instinctively bites down, she's sure she sees his pupils dilate a bit. She wonders if he's thinking what she's thinking. She wants to kiss him, like really kiss him. Primal. Not soft. But rough, like the kiss they shared after Hedwig. All hands and tongue and no rationale. She knows if she steps forward and her lips meet his, he'll kiss back. It's how he sees her, a thing to just kiss, to relieve stress.

"Well, if you don't tell Jughead that's fine. You two seem good." His pupils have shrunk, and Betty wants to shrink away too. From these thoughts, of her best friend.

"I don't know, I feel like I should, like it's the right thing."

"Well whatever you decide, I'm here anyway. If you want to run it past me, I'll try be impartial."

"I don't think that's a good idea." She begins walking again and Archie has to sort of do a quick run to catch up with her. "Like we shouldn't be talking about the betrayal so casually."

"I never made it causal, why do you think I told Ronnie so quickly."

"Because you love her." She echoes her sentiment in the bunker. Archie falls silent, Betty’s hands begin to shake. "That's why right?"

"Right." He doesn't sound convincing.

Before she can argue further, her phone rings, It's Jughead, he's speaking quick, she understands half of it. Meet me quick, I'll give you the details, she agrees. Puts her phone away. Doesn't even say bye to Archie before fleeing. Jughead hasn't even texted her the details, but she runs, because Archie doesn't love Ronnie like that anymore and she doesn't want to speak to him about it. It scares her shitless, so she runs back to Jughead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A barchie story inspired by normal people - this idea came to mind after reading normal people. Archie and Betty don't really talk about their feelings properly, sure they talk at each other and have done but they've never sat and talked properly about the times they've kissed. So I wanted to write something that explored that, and a love that no matter where you go never leaves you. It's not going to be as sad as normal people, but the core idea of never communicating properly plays a key role. 
> 
> Please tell me if you like it. I haven’t written for years. I’m sure there’s so many mistakes. I’ll probably read it tomorrow and realise. But what’s writing without a few hiccups huh?


	2. ONE WEEK LATER (2020)

**ARCHIE** is sat outside the Principals office, Jughead had gone in before him. He taps his foot on the flooring, it echoes softly. What Archie really wants to do is pace, he feels like the walls are closing in on him, like he's stuck in the coffin the BlackHood made him lay in for Betty. 

_Betty._

She ran away from him yesterday. He's not sure what he said, or what he didn't say. But what he does know is that she's avoiding his gaze. He realises he hates when she does that. Locks herself away, he can't read her when she does that, can't see what her mind is saying. 

Archie always felt like he could read Betty, could understand the intricacies of her thoughts, why she felt the way she did. It was probably why they were friends for so long. They had this understanding of one another, that surpassed any of his other friendships before or after her. She doesn't seem to want to talk to him now though, about anything. She specifically doesn't want to talk about the kiss, he realises that maybe that's a blessing. Why should they talk about it? It can't go anywhere. It won't go anywhere. 

Archie knows that's a lie, it could. It's Betty that doesn't want it to go anywhere. So he just lets it fizzle out. It won't fizzle out, he knows that.

She bit her lip yesterday; he wasn't even trying to focus on her lips but his eyes fell towards them. They're soft, pink and he wants to feel her lips around his cock. He warms up. Betty and her pretty pink lips, have that effect. He wants to fuck her into oblivion, so that she forgets what her name is, or how to walk after. Wants to feel himself deep inside her. His cock twitches. He breathes through his nose. He can't be having these _fantasies_ , before he meets Principal Weatherbee. 

Jughead comes out, he's all smiles and Archie knows what's going to leave his mouth. "I'm graduating." He says, he looks shocked almost as if he wasn't expecting it.

"That's great man." Archie hugs him, "I'm happy for you."

"You'll be fine too, just watch." 

For some reason Archie doesn't believe him.

Principal Weatherbee tells him he's not graduating. That he can't, he has to repeat the year. He says some other stuff that Archie can't remember, all he can think of is that he's failed. He's a failure. He's aware that it's not his fault but still, he should've tried harder. He's allowed to walk with his class, Weatherbee lets him, knows that regardless of whether he graduates _officially_ this year, he's still allowed to celebrate reaching the end of High School. 

Archie tells Jughead that he's going to graduate, he just needs to complete summer school, it's a lie, but Jughead beams and hugs him. 

"I told you." He's still smiling, Archie wants to cry. 

He tells Veronica the same, and she smiles too. "Summer school won't be that bad, plus you get to celebrate with us and once you get that diploma, we'll celebrate again." It's a lie, he knows that because she'll be thinking about moving to college, they all will. 

Betty doesn't say anything at first, he thinks she knows he's concealing the truth. 

"Archie, if you need any help over the summer, let me know. I'm more than happy to help." She says it truthfully, and his heart swells. 

"Yeah. Yeah alright." 

He reckons if he tells himself enough times, he might even believe that summer school will be enough to save his failure of a life. 

He tells his Mom the truth, because he wants to and because if he doesn't, she'll find out anyway. His Mom doesn't seem to mind, saying that one year extra will do him no harm. He wants to believe her but an extra year means he's a year behind his friends and they'll be moving on with their lives without him. 

"Are you still thinking about enlisting to the army?" His Mom asks as they're sitting down to eat, Archie nods, "I want to." 

-•-

Graduation comes round quicker than he anticipated, their last day of High School is done in what feels like a blink of an eye and suddenly he's getting ready for graduation. He always thought this day would be filled with happiness. Instead he feels sad, like he wants to lay in bed all day. He's going to walk across that stage and it's going to mean nothing. 

_"Can you believe High School is over?"_ Betty says, they had called last night, well Betty had randomly called him and Archie watched his phone ring twice before picking up. 

_"No."_ He laughs. _"We used to dream about this day remember?"_ Betty hums and he feels something pool between his legs. 

_"We stayed friends through it all as well."_

Friends. He wants to laugh, they're obviously not _just_ friends but he gets the sentiment. They've managed to not let things get in between them. They've stayed in each other’s lives, been a constant person to one another. 

_"Come on Betty did you expect anything different?"_ He swears he can hear her hide a sniffle. 

_"Just don't go becoming a stranger Archie Andrews."_

_"Never."_

They all scramble together to take a picture, caps thrown in the air, laughter reverberating through the walls. Everyone is with their families, Archie glances around them all. There's so many smiles he feels blinded, so many proud parents. He on the other hand feels empty, he wishes his dad were here, he would know how to make him feel better, he'd have the right words to say. 

He sees Betty, with her Mom. She wears this smile that takes his breath away, she's so pretty he thinks. So pretty, so perfect. He almost feels envious of her, she's so good at just being her. He wants to get inside her mind, figure out the thought process behind how she exists and how she does everything so easily, so perfect. 

She catches his eyes, and she smiles. It's a shy smile, but he beams back. They'll be alright he thinks. She might be off to Yale, but their friendship will last. It has to. He doesn't think he could survive if it doesn't.

"You okay, Archie?" His Mom asks, as she rubs his arm. 

"Yeah, I just wish dad was here to see all of this." He replies wistfully, his throat feels scratchy. The feeling of wanting to cry, a constant thought in the back of his mind.

"He's looking down on us, he'd be so proud of you." He wants to believe his Mom, but he feels like a failure, he can't even _fucking_ graduate high school without having to repeat the year. 

-•-

They're sat on the bleachers drinking and laughing. Archie feels a little bit better. He enlisted for the Army, straight after graduation. It was half on impulse, half on the idea that he needed to do something with his life. It turns out that not graduating with his year doesn’t hinder him from applying. He leaves for basic training in the morning. He tries to find the right moment to announce it, to break the news to his friends. He's not sure how well they're going to take it, or if they're going to try and convince him to change his mind.

There's a pause in conversation, and he takes the opportunity to grab it with both hands. "I've enlisted to join the army." There's an even larger pause after this. 

"No." Veronica says. 

"Look, I lied to you guys when I said I was going to graduate after doing summer school Weatherbee said I'd have to repeat." He begins, "joining the army means that I wouldn't have to repeat senior year. I'd be set up for college if I wanted to go there after." 

"Archie why would you put yourself in a situation like that, the army isn't a joke." Veronica says loudly. 

"When do you leave?" Jughead asks, he's staring at him with an expression that's half disbelief and half sadness. 

"I have to leave tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow?" Veronica is shouting now, her eyes misting with tears. "Archie, I support you in a lot of things but this, this isn't something I can support you with." She's crying now, a lone tear trickles down her face. "I need to get out of here." She gets up hastily, and practically sprints from the bleachers. 

Archie watches her retreating figure; he can't understand why it's such a big deal. She's acting like he's going to die or something. 

"Betty?" Archie finds himself saying, he makes eye contact with her, her eyes are glazed over. He can see that she's struggling with her emotions. He wants to hug her, stroke her back and tell her that he's not mad for making this decision that he's thought it out properly. Which is a half-truth, he hasn't thought it out completely but joining the army feels right, like it would do him _good_. 

"If you feel like this is right for you Arch, then I support you. I'm glad you found something." She's saying the truth, he knows that and he wants to cry with happiness. Betty's opinion in his life has always been second to his father and with his father no longer here, Betty was the one person he could count on to validate his decision. 

"And let Ronnie cool down, she's shocked we all are, and she’s _in_ love with you so it's probably harder for her." 

"Yeah. Archie just call her tonight, talk it out.” Jughead adds. 

He smiles because he knows it won't help, Veronica has made up her mind. She might come round but that doesn't mean she will support him. She doesn't owe him that anymore, they're no longer Archie and Veronica, a couple, they're Archie and Veronica who are exes. Teared apart because he can't stop kissing his _fucking_ best friend. He doesn't even know if they're friends, but she's opinionated and isn't scared of expressing them and for that he respects her endlessly. 

-•-

He does call Veronica, later on that night. They talk, she says she wants to come over. They have sex. It's soft, loving, everything he should want from her but, he doesn't. Archie knows he loves Veronica in some capacity, they share an undeniable bond. But recently, he thinks that what they share is platonic love, he's moved on from the searing feelings she used to give him. She calls it goodbye sex, says that she can't bear to see him tomorrow. They say their goodbyes, promising to keep in touch, he reckons it's an empty promise, but he agrees, nonetheless.

Day light streams through his blinds. Today's the day he thinks. He gets up, and glances at his packed bags, a harsh reminder of his decision. Would he be able to go through with it? Actually leave and go and join the army? He'd be leaving so much behind but Archie knows it's the only way, he failed to graduate and he'll be damned if he repeats his senior year without his friends by his side. 

He hears her laughter first, and then his Moms and his heart stops. _She's here_. He runs down the stairs, going down two at a time and into the kitchen. She hears him before she sees him and she smiles. 

"Hi." 

"Hey." 

They're left alone, Mary making a swift exit, sensing that the two childhood friends need their own space to say goodbye. 

"Today's the day." She starts, eyes glazing over. "I got up early to catch you." 

"I can see that." He's all smiles and he wants to hug her so he steps forward. "Thanks." 

"Archie you're my best friend and I wasn't going to let you leave without saying goodbye, Jughead said he'll meet you at the bus stop, wanted to be the one to wave you off." Archie nods, "that's nice, yeah." 

He doesn't want to talk about Jughead he wants to talk about how much he'll miss her, how it's clawing at his throat. How if she had said that she didn't want him to join the army, he would've agreed, would've found another way out of this. But he doesn't, he stares and she stares back, eyes full of unshed tears. 

"Come here." He says, and she does. They throw their arms around each-other and hold on tight. 

“I’m going to miss you so much Arch.” She whispers, her voice heavy with tears. Archie coughs to conceal his own tears, “you too Betty, I can’t believe this is the first time in a long time I’m not going to see you every day.”

She moves her head back, arms still around his neck and gives him a watery smile.

“I’m only a letter and phone call away Arch. I’m still here, don’t forget that.” He won’t, Betty’s unwavering loyalty to him makes his heart swell.

They’re both crying, staring at each other. He wants to kiss her one last time, he feels himself moving closer but she moves her head to the side, letting her hands drop from his neck. He misses the pressure and wants to lift her arms up and place them around his neck again. She smiles again.

“You don’t want to be late Arch.”

“I’ll see you Betty.”

They give each other one last smile, before she slips through the side door and he’s left alone in the kitchen, feeling empty, the sadness seeping deep into his bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was mad that Betty and Archie never got their own goodbye scene so I wrote one. I would also like to preface that this is season 5 rewrite as in events that take place won't coincide with how the seasons going. Betty will tell Jughead about the kiss but the fall out will be a lot different than how it was portrayed in the show (No Jughead bashing though because I actually like his character a lot). The first two chapters sort of set the tone, but be warned this is SLOW burn because I'm a sucker for a slow burn romance.


	3. ONE WEEK AND A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER (2020)

**JUGHEAD** and Betty, break up a week after Archie leaves Riverdale. It’s inevitable really, she thinks, she’s been keeping this massive secret from him. A secret that she shouldn’t have let get hidden away for this long, she _cheated_ and she thought she could get away with it. She knows that Jughead deserves better, deserves someone that _won’t_ keep cheating on him. She always told herself she wouldn’t be this person, someone who would so casually betray the person she loves. Yet, she does and she _keeps_ doing it.

 _“Let me get this straight, you and Archie kissed again?”_ He’s not shouting but Betty wishes he was, it’d make the situation a lot easier to deal with. He’s running his hands through his hair, it sticks up in all directions. _“And you’re telling me this now, because what? The guilt is getting too much?”_

 _“You deserve to know.”_ She’s crying, hot tears falling from her cheeks, she wants to scream, wants to curl into a ball and let the ground swallow her whole. She digs her fingernails into her palm, she doesn’t care that it hurts because she deserves it. The look on Jughead's face is enough to bring her to her knees. He looks so hurt, so sad, so heartbroken and she hates it, hates that she’s caused him pain _again._

 _“I did nothing but love you Betty, I just loved you. And this is what you keep doing: keep kissing Archie and for what? For what.”_ He finally shouts and it makes Betty jump.

 _“I don’t know.”_ She whimpers.

 _“We’ll start thinking because you’ll ruin anything good that ever happens to you because of him.”_ He says back, _“I’m not even surprised it happened again but I’m shocked that you didn’t have the dignity to just be honest about it, how do you think I feel huh? I feel so small and so unworthy, because it’s always Archie.”_

 _“It’s not.”_ She takes a step forward but Jughead takes a step back.

 _“Look I’m tired, I’m done, we’re obviously done. Figure out what you want because it sure as hell has never been me.”_ He slams the door behind him and Betty sobs, it’s guttural and loud and there’s snot going down her face and into her mouth. Everything feels salty.

She can’t believe she let it happen again, she hates herself. Hates herself for _fucking_ cheating. She’s so pathetic she thinks. Jughead was perfect, he did nothing but love her and she threw it away for a boy who wouldn’t ever consider her a first choice.

-•-

She doesn’t see Jughead after that, he leaves with his Dad and Jellybean, decides to spend his last month before college with them. He doesn’t bother to tell her, and Betty knows she can’t be mad. Her mother keeps looking at her like she’s this fragile ornament that’s going to break into pieces if she says the wrong thing. She hates when her mother does that, because it’s Alice Cooper that’s made Betty the way she is. She loves her mother she really does, but Betty wishes that her mother hadn’t forced this idea of perfection into Betty when she was younger. If she hadn’t, Betty knows she wouldn’t be so _fucked_ up.

Archie writes to her two weeks into his training, she hadn’t expected a letter to come by so quick, and it makes her want to cry.

> **_Betty,_ **
> 
> **_The training here is intense. I don’t know if I like it yet but it’s only been what? One week? Two by the time you get this. I hope everything is okay with you. I know I probably should’ve waited longer to write but I missed you. I miss Riverdale, nothings the same here it’s all different. I wish I could just come over and see you. I miss Ronnie too, and Jughead. Did you speak to Jughead about what happened, I hope he wasn’t too harsh on you, he loves you a lot._ **
> 
> **_Love Archie_ **

****

The letter is short and sweet and Betty cries as she reads it. The letter is so Archie, so him and her heart aches because she misses her best friend, and she misses Jughead. She misses what life was like before Archie and Betty had kissed for the first time and she was just a girl who was trying to move on from loving a boy since she was eight.

 _He loves you a lot._ It’s the truth, Jughead did love her a lot and she threw that away, she wants to hate Archie. But she can’t, she keeps fantasising about him. She wants to be ashamed, she’s freshly single and yet, she’s fantasising about _fucking_ her childhood best friend. The dreams are intense, she wakes up with a wetness between her legs and if she touches herself her fingers are soaking. She wants to rub her clit and think about Archie, wants to finger herself and pretend it’s him sliding inside and out of her. But she doesn’t, because she’s so _fucking_ sick and tired of these feelings. She shouldn’t be feeling this so soon, not whilst she’s still mourning the end of her relationship with Jughead. A breakup that is still so fresh.

She gives in eventually, she pumps two fingers in and out and then three and she’s moaning quietly, whispering Archie’s name over and over again, as the wave of pleasure rolls over her body. She wonders what his cock feels like, how it would feel to be stretched out by it. Veronica made it no secret that Archie was good in bed, and she’s jealous. Jealous that she never got that chance to experience it herself.

When she’s not dreaming about letting Archie _fuck_ her. She’s having nightmares, panting and crying when she wakes up. They all end the same way, with her dying or being murdered slowly, tortuously. The dreams make no sense, but the day after she’s paranoid, looking over the shoulder, expecting her dead father to come lurking round the corner, knife in hand to kill her. She’s _safe_ she knows that, knows that nothing can harm her, but the dreams, they feel so real that she sometimes feels like she can’t distinguish between what’s real and what’s fake.

Riverdale has messed with her brain so much, has left permanent scars that won’t heal. Betty thinks she doesn’t deserve to heal, not after what she’s done. She deserves to lead a life that feels like _hell_. She knows she should probably go to therapy, but she can’t bring herself too, so she breathes herself through her panic attacks, it doesn’t always work and sometimes, her breathing gets so shallow her eyes struggle to focus and all she can see is black dots. She passed out the other day and woke up in the middle of her bedroom floor disoriented, and sporting a bump on her forehead. She wishes she hit the ground harder, anything feels better than living with her intense emotions.

She goes to see Veronica, who is anything but welcoming.

“Don’t act like you’re my friend Betty when you kissed my boyfriend.” She says her tone is clipped, and she sips her tea. Betty cringes, what else did she expect, Jughead was anything but nice why did she think Veronica would be any different.

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

“I feel so pathetic, I should’ve seen that this would be the outcome of you guys fake dating.” She starts, “but I trusted you, the both of you.”

“I know.”

“It’s going to take a long time before I trust you again.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Betty says earnestly.

She doesn’t stay long after that, Betty can’t bring herself to. It’s too awkward, and she feels like crying as she walks home. She’s lost her boyfriend and her best friend all in the space of less than a month. With college around the corner she can’t help but feel dejected. She doesn’t want to go, and that thought alone makes her want to vomit.

She’s been dreaming about college since freshman year of High School, everything she did, she did for college, to get _into_ a good college. She hates that with everything that happened, she’s robbed herself of that happiness. She got into _fucking_ Yale, an Ivy League, and survived all that Riverdale threw at her. She should feel proud of herself, but instead she feels sick to her stomach.

She writes back to Archie five days before she’s due to leave for college. Tear stains mark the paper but she doesn’t care. Archie is part of the reason she feels the way she does so she’s going to let him know.

> **_Archie, I think training will get easier, things are always harder when they start, but I think you’ll be fine. If I’m wrong I owe you a Pops when we see eachother again. Jughead and I broke up and I feel broken, I loved him but guess that wasn’t enough for me to stay loyal_**
> 
> **** **_Betty_ **

****

She leaves for college, her bedroom packed neatly away, her mother holding back tears. It’s bittersweet she thinks, she’s _finally_ leaving Riverdale behind her. She makes a false promise to come back during the holidays, she might but this town holds too many memories, it makes her feel sick and hot and paranoid and she hates it.

 _“Of course I’ll be back Mom, I’m not going to just forget about you guys.”_ That makes her mother smile, and she smiles back.

Settling into her dorm room is easy, her roommate is nice. Not someone she would have approached in normal circumstances but she’s friendly and approachable, and she doesn’t judge Betty when she wakes up every night crying. Tells her that we all have demons to fight and that it’s cool, _she’s not much of a sleeper anyway._ Betty still feels pathetic, leaving Riverdale was supposed to be helpful, she was supposed to feel better but, instead, she’s stuck in the same mindset. The same paranoia that someone is out to get her.

So she does what she does best. She throws herself into her work. Enrols in any and every extracurricular class she can. To distract from how loud her head is, because being busy means that she stores these thoughts away, dampens them down so they’re aren’t so prominent. It works until it doesn’t and she’s trying to stop her body from shaking so hard as things consume her. The feeling claws at her neck, wraps itself around her chest tightly, applying pressure relentlessly, and she _hates_ it. College was supposed to be a good start, a _new_ start.

Yet Riverdale follows her like a disease, never leaving, incurable.

Archie still writes, is relentless. She wants to tell him to stop but she also wants to tell him to write longer. Wants him to know his words ground her in ways she can’t even fathom, but she doesn’t, because she doesn’t want him to know he has that effect on her. That her feelings for him didn’t go away, they were just pushed away like all the other _fucking_ thoughts she has.

> **_Hi Betty,_ **
> 
> **_I hope college is going well, and I hope that these letters aren’t annoying. I like writing to you; it gives me something else to do? Have you spoken to Kevin recently? Or anyone from school. College has just started so I reckon that it’s a bit easier to keep in contact with people. Have you been looking after yourself? I know what you’re like with school. Tell me about your roommate, the boys here are all nice. There’s a great sense of brotherhood and it reminds me of home in so many ways. I really miss home, I miss my mom, you, my dad especially. I wish he got to see me off, and I wish I could ask him for some advice. My mom’s great but I don’t know sometimes I need my dad's wisdom._ **
> 
> **_Love Archie._ **

****

She has spoken to Kevin, consistently. He’s settling into college really well too. Kevin, as a friend, has the ability to make Betty feel not so messed up. He’s been a fierce friend to her for years, so she tells him, blurts out the truth, and he listens, doesn’t judge and she wants to cry.

 _“I mean I don’t condone cheating, at all, don’t get me wrong.”_ He pauses, and she hears a crackle on the other end of the line, he’s moving. _“But I’ve always said, it was weird how quickly you jumped from Archie to Jughead.”_ It wasn’t that quick she thinks, it wasn’t? Was it? She doubts herself.

 _“Jughead made you happy.”_ Kevin laughs at that, _“sure he did, but if he really and truly satisfied you, you wouldn’t have kissed Archie, again and then again.”_

 _“God Kevin, Jughead told me that I’d ruin anything ever good that happens to me because of him and I’m starting to believe him.”_ She says, her eyes become wet and her breathing is starting to become shallow. _Fuck_.

_“Betty don’t say things like that, sure you need to really think about what you want from Archie. But Archie has brought you a lot of good. You are yourself around him and that’s never a bad thing.”_

He says those words and Betty is crying, it’s silent. The tears are just rolling. She’s right, she feels like herself around Archie but she also feels like she needs to be this different version of Betty. This perfect version of Betty, before Riverdale with its darkness tainted her. She was going to explain this to Kevin, but she can’t because if says the words, it’s out there and she has to face the fact that she’s broken. So instead she laughs through her tears.

_“Yeah, I guess that isn’t.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’m from the uk so if this fic is getting updated at really weird times I apologise. But I wanted Betty to struggle with the breakup, I think it makes sense. Also the letters between Archie and Betty will get longer and the chapters will also get longer (I think - I’m still writing) 
> 
> I HOPE YOU ENJOY


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